As I start my 8th month of my internship year I am left with the same old feelings of stress and anxiety. I started medicine today and my first call is tomorrow. I tried to enjoy the weekend, but after getting signout on my patients on Friday (2 of whom have been in the hospital for 3 weeks) it just didn't happen. Though I did not have to round on the patients on Saturday or Sunday I still was unable to relax knowing that they were waiting for me.
The first week is always the worst because I find myself scrambling to get up to speed on patients who are already in house and I have to try to find my way through another's train of thought in order to care for these patients. Maybe that's why I don't abhor the first week of OB call nearly as much as medicine (the last week is another story).
Tomorrow will most likely go smoothly. I may have to run a code or two and most likely I'll admit 5-8 patients. The stress comes from the wat ifs. The possibility of having multiple admissions come at 3 AM, 1 or 2 on which may be an ICU admissions. The possibility also exists that the code siren will go off in the middle of one of those admissions and I'll be pulled away to the ICU for 2 hours leaving me scrambling in the wee hours of the morning with multiple unfinished admissions and numerous patients that need to be rounded on before 7. All while being physically exhausted from being up all day responding to various calls from the different floors. Is it likely that this scenario will come to fruition, no, BUT IT COULD and therein lies the stress. I haven't even talked about the ICU admission that I may get at 6 pm teetering on the edge of death all night as I am left to contemplate if we're doing what we should to help him through the night.
I think I have less anxiety than in the past, but it still creeps up on me and I'll most likely get back down to my fighting weight by my birthday (at least I'm post call on that day). At least something good comes of all this (that and it probably makes me a better doctor, but that's still up for debate in my mind).
1 comment:
Before Heather was born, I thought to myself, "Oh sure, there will be sleepless nights, but I'll manage. I'll just have to be tired on those days."
What I didn't realize (or remember) is that sleep-deprived Charlotte isn't just tired, she's CRAZY. Like literally unable to think rationally until she gets the rest she needs crazy.
I feel for you man. You don't even get the fun of having a cute baby keeping you up.
Good luck, and hang in there.
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