Homework, It's no better than when I was the Kid!

This week is the start of a full week of school. Which meant, homework began again. Spencer has Spelling, Vocab, Reading, and Math. Jessi didn't have any but I figured I could try once again and see if we could get her writing her name.

All I have to say is that trying to help 2 with their homework is twice as frustrating as trying to help one. I have never had much patience for this and day one pushed me to my limit.

I gave up with Jessi after an hour and we only went over the J and e in Jessica. I gave up because she is still writing them backwards, upside down, and horizontal and I had yelled a few to many times. I thought only DaVinci knew how to write backwards and upside down but apparently Jessi could give him a run for his money.

It took Spencer an hour and a half to get through his homework. It probably would have been an hour but every time I turned my attention to help Jessi he pretty much turned his attention to us as well, meaning he wasn't getting his work done. And so ya, I yelled some more.

I had set a goal last week to try to be more patient with the kids and their learning curve. I know they are trying and that what seems simple is often harder to understand. I think I can say that I wasn't too successful on my goal today. Here is to tomorrow.

First Day!!

That's right!! It's the first day of school and this year I am sending off 2 little ones. (Although I guess you can't really classify Spencer as little anymore, but he is in his mom's eyes). For the first time in about 3 months, I woke the kids up this morning, we all got ready, stopped for a quick photo shoot and then headed for the bus stop.

Now those of you who know me, know I rarely run late and hate it if I am late. So this morning you can imagine how paniced I became when we walked around the corner to find the bus was already there. (It was early). I got all nervous, flagged down the bus driver and got the kids on. In all of the frantic chaos and my conversations with the bus driver to make sure they were on the right bus (2 more came around the corner before we even walked away 5 feet) I didn't even get to say goodbye to the kids. Luckily, they didn't seem to mind as they hopped right on.

School has started now and I haven't got a call so I assume they are okay. In fact, they are probably doing better than me. I am so excited for them but just like it has been for the last 2 years, there is a part of me that worries, that hopes they are happy, that they will fit in, that the other kids will be nice. You know, Mom worries. Luckily, I can remind myself that just like the last 2 years, those will go away within a day or 2 when I see how much they love it. (I hope :)

Nauvoo Trip

Last Thursday we took a trip to Nauvoo. We left ourselves a few days to see the sights which turned out to be a very wise decision as the heat tended to take it out of the kids and they didn't last all day. We all had a great time. We learned a lot, played a lot, and felt the spirit a lot.

We asked everyone their favorite part of the trip and these were the results.

Spencer - "I liked playing with the crutches at pioneer past times." Spencer hobbled around for an hour on those little crutches.

Side Note . . . Spencer was very touched during the Jospeh Smith film and at the Carthage jail. He is so very close to the spirit and really blows Jacob and I away with his knowledge of the gospel and amazing tender spirit. I think he is much more ready to be baptized then I ever was.

Jessica - "I liked dressing up like a pioneer and being the mom of the house." And man oh man was she ever. Any kids that came around was instantly roped into her family, given and job, and told that they were loved. It was pretty cute.

Kristian - "I like the big oxen and their bums and I like my new horse Nauvoo." Kristian got a kick out of the oxen ride and of course the first thing he noticed was their bums under their tails. Kids :) He was also given a little wood horse widdled by one of the senior missionaries there. He named it "wood horse" and I told him that wasn't much of a name (great mom, huh) so he settled on Nauvoo, since that is where he got him from.

Jacob and I were each able to do a temple session and that was our favorite part. The temple always has such an amazing spirit and it was really a comfort to each of us. The Nauvoo Temple has such historical significance to the early beginnings of the church and being able to ponder on that while sitting in the rooms of the temple brought a very special spirit. I was so glad we were able to visit the Lord's house.

So those were our favorite parts. And to finish it off . . . . Here are some of my favorite pictures.

What an angel

You may think these pictures were posed.  They weren't.  They were all taken at the some time though not in this order but I like the story they tell.  I'll let you narrate the pictures in your mind.

Apparently you can only take so many pictures before Kami lets you know how she's feeling. 

I've got some more thoughts, but they'll have to wait for tomorrow or another day, however, I do wish to say thank you for all the words, thoughts and prayers that have been sent our way.

Thoughts

Melissa had her D/C this morning.  Everything went well and she has been sleeping this afternoon.  It's nice to have that behind us.  The hospital has a wonderful program set up with one of the cemeteries in town that allows them to have a plot where they bury the babies in cases like ours should the parents so choose.  They have a short service every 3 months for the families.  It's nice because I just don't know what to tell Spencer when he asks what is going to happen to the baby.  Well now I do know.

The roller coaster of emotions certainly hasn't slowed down.  I can't remember being this confused about my feelings.  Melissa and I talk about it and we both would love to talk to others about it because it helps so much, but it is so hard to do so because then the tears flow.  So what do I do instead?  I write.

I never thought I was one of those guys who thought miscarriage was just something that happens, but I was.  It's rare that I see a pregnant woman who hasn't lost a baby some way or another.  The G3P3 as it were, just doesn't walk through the doors of my clinic very often so I've become accustomed to miscarriages.  I've been on the other side.  I've been the one to break the news to a soon-to-be mother that she is no longer so soon to be.  I've done a good job with it as far as I can tell but in my mind I think I've thought, it's okay, you can have other kids or this happened so early in your pregnancy that it's really not that big of a deal.

Then I had someone close to me go through an early miscarriage and I learned that it is pretty hard, but still I thought in my mind; I'm sure this is hard, but it happens all the time so you should be able to get through this pretty easily.  What an ignorant fool I was.

I made it through yesterday and most of today because I had to.  I had to be the one to tell Melissa that she didn't want to pass this at home.  I knew that the best choice for us knowing her and knowing myself was to get this procedure done as soon as possible.  I knew the surgeon and had complete faith in his abilities and I did my part to convey that to Melissa.  Now we are through that part and I don't know anymore.  What happens now?  I don't have any prior knowledge to hang on to.  I don't have any next steps to keep me firm.

I feel selfish because I already have 4 healthy and happy kids and I was worried about being disappointed if we didn't have twins.  I feel selfish because this baby wasn't a firm part of my family yet, but the loss affects my future.  It affects my plans.  It affects the ages of my children should we decide to have more.

I feel sad because we have lost something.  I'm confused because I can't identify that loss clearly.  I feel ashamed for not understanding.

Some years ago when I was going through a particularly bad spell of anxiety and depression I called my sister who talked me through some things and comforted me in ways I didn't think possible at the time.  She told me that there would come a time when I would do the same for someone else because I understood how it felt.  I have done that numerous times since that day, in both professional and private settings.

I feel this is very similar to that situation for as I ponder what has happened and read and hear the words of you who have experienced this I see that you understand.  Because this is something that does happen so often, there are so many people who understand, and your words are special.  It is through your words as well as the words of those who love us and have not experienced this that I see Christ.  I see the man of Galilee who paid for our sins and takes our burdens upon him.  I see the man who understands my trials because he suffered all.  I see his hand in his servants as they put aside their own needs to care for someone else who is hurting.  Those who comfort those who stand in need of comfort exemplify Christ, and bring me closer to him.  And I know that it is only though him that my pain can be soothed and my suffering can be eased because he already paid for this heartache, all I have to do is let him. 

I'm a better father, husband, and physician today that I was two days ago.  I have a closer relationship with my family, friends and most of all my Savior, but it may take some time before I stop wishing I could have just  learned this lesson from the scriptures.

Some Bad News

Melissa is having a D/C tomorrow.  She had an ultrasound at her OB visit this morning and the baby had no heartbeat.  It measured 8.5 weeks which means it stopped growing about 2 weeks ago.

On the one hand this sucks.  On the other hand this really sucks.

As you can imagine it has been a hard day but we have seen the Lord's hand in our lives today.  Melissa's appointment was this morning and my phone rang just as I was heading back to the doctor's lounge between surgery cases.  I was alone in the lounge so I didn't even have to leave to cry a bit.  Her physician gave her a long hug which was very comforting then gave her some information to make a decision as to whether or not to proceed with a D/C.  We didn't deliberate long and I had her call back as soon as she got home to see how soon she could have the procedure done and they were able to fit her in tomorrow.  So we'll be heading to the hospital early tomorrow morning.

We've gone through a range of emotions today, Melissa more so than I.  We are doing well, but a little scared about what is to come in the next week, again Melissa more so than I.

Our outlook for the next year has certainly changed.  We don't know if or when we will have any more children and we don't plan to know for at least a few months.

We appreciate the love and prayers of family and friends as so many of you have expressed understanding of what we are now feeling.




I guess we jumped the gun a bit with the Yukon, but Melissa tells me she won't make me take it back, though in her current state I could probably get anything out of her.

New Spice

If you haven't seen the awesome new marketing campaign by Old Spice you won't understand this parody, but if you have and you love it like I do then this is for you.