What I Want

I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future.  I'm not sure how much normal people think about the future, but I tend to think that I am on the far end of that bell curve.  I'm not sure if I'm hardwired to do so or if I have adapted my joy of looking ahead, but I do enjoy it.  The future is full of roses (or at least a truck with a rose bush in the bed) and I like to think about where I'll be in 5, 10, or 20 years so I can start making plans. 

At times I have longed for the tomorrows of my life because today felt so hard.  I still get that way from time to time, but the majority of the time now I just enjoy thinking about tomorrow because it keeps changing and I like change.  I'm a little nervous to actually finish residency and move next year, not because it's new and different, rather, that move represents the last big move/change in our lives.  I'm not entirely sure how I'll handle that.  I keep teasing Melissa that I may have to go to law school in a few years just so we can continue our nomadic life.  It should be noted that she does not like that line of thought one bit.

Back to the future (I love that trilogy by the way).  There are some things that I want out of my future.  Fifteen years ago I wanted to have a Ferrari in my future.  Ten years ago I could see myself living in a giant house up on the hill with an indoor gym outback and a pool in the basement.  Five years ago I wanted a cabin up in the mountains.  I still want the cabin.  I'm not so enamored with the other things anymore.  At this point I want to be able to say no to the Ferrari (or the like) when I have the means to purchase such a thing.  If that sounds arrogant you should probably get to know me better and avoid any rash judgements until you do so.  If you do know me really well and it still sounds arrogant I should probably find a better way to phrase that in the future.  I find that a lot of things sound arrogant on blogs that are not meant to be so.

So what do I want now?  I want to write a book.  I don't know what it will be about, but I enjoy writing so someday I'm going to write a book.  When I get finished maybe I'll tack it to the corkboard by the refrigerator and my grandkids will peruse it.  Maybe I'll keep writing stupid meaningless posts here for the next 10 years and count that.  I don't have any delusion of grandeur.  This isn't an armchair quarterback kind of stuff it's just something I want to do.

I want to learn to play the piano.  Someday I want to play a John Schmidt piece.  If I'm going to have a baby grand in my living room I have to be able to justify it and Melissa can't even read music (sorry Dear) so I can't very well tell people it was her decision to buy that monstrosity.

I want to do a triathlon.  Considering the fact that I swim like a rock I may satisfy this want by doing many triathlons as a member of a team with Melissa.  She can swim and I will do the other stuff.

I want to serve an LDS mission with my wife, preferrably in Brazil.

I want to be liked.  It's very chic to say that you don't care what anybody thinks.  I care.  I don't care what everybody thinks, but there are a lot of people who I respect and I want those people to like me.  I do care what those people think of my decisions. 

Right now what I really want is for the lady in 23 to deliver her baby so that maybe I can get some sleep tonight.



Addendum: she delivered and I remembered what else I want.  I want Dreamworks to make more movies like How to Train Your Dragon.  We saw it on Saturday and it was awesome.  I have never enjoyed a cartoon so much.  Melissa, of course, cried and the kids had a blast.  Thank you Dreamworks.