The pain of memory

I've been reading through some of my old journals recently. Aside from recognizing what a stupid kid I was in my teen years and early 20s it has been a very bittersweet experience for me. I've been missing a lot of people since we moved away from Cedar (again), but reading through my journals has brought back some of the wonderful memories of places and people that I have not seen in years and I feel a longing for them.

While I love Southern Utah and my family and friends that we have left back on the other side of the Missippi (and some DC area folks) and I miss them greatly I have an assurance that I will see both these people and places many more times during my life so my longing is tempered. When I read through my journals I remember some of the things and people that I loved in Massachusettes, and Brazil. I think about the great friends I made in medical school (though it will still take some time before I miss Pikeville). The longing for these people and places is different than that of home and family. I'm old enough to know that I may never see these people and places again and that causes me great sadness. Some of that sadness comes from knowing that South Bend and many of the friends we make here in the next 3 years will fall into that category.

To illustrate this point I only need to remember my time in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT. There were 6 elders in my district and we got along great. We spent every day together for 8 weeks and became very good friends. We all went to Massachusettes while waiting for our visas and each time we were able to get together for mission conferences it was a wonderful reunion. When we left for Brazil after 4 1/2 months I said goodbye to three of these elders and have not seen or spoken to any of them in 12 years. Three of us spent the rest of our missions in and around Salvador Brazil and once again we were overjoyed when we were able to get together during conferences and such. My last companion on my mission was actually one of these two elders and we had a great time. These two missionaries were two of the best friends I have ever had. We have all moved on in our lives and unless we choose to make a point of staying in contact our paths will not cross again.

In the end this is why I have a blog. Maybe someone from my past will read in their journal and remember Jacob, or Jake, or Elder Corry and when they google me they'll find their way to the blog and we can be reaquainted.



If this post seems somewhat random you should know that I want to go to bed, but Melissa has been reading her new twilight book for the past 30 hours and she won't let me turn off the light until she finishes. Personally I don't see what all the excitement is about. This whole vampire/werewolf thing has already been done in the Blade movies and then again in the Underworld series (though I actually have only seen one movie in each of these trilogies).