Enjoying the Ride

When I was young we would travel to Canada each year to visit my Mom's family. We started at 3 am and drove as far as we could. We didn't stop at landmarks, we stopped at the same gas stations each trip and you learned to "hold it" until we got there. These trips were all about the destination, Grandma and Grandpa's house, and not so much about the drive.

I have been thinking and am starting to see that in my personal life I might be all about the destination and not so much about the drive. And I am feeling like I might need a bit more balance.

Lately I have been told that I am an "Over Achiever" by quite a few people. I take this as a wonderful compliment as I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a very high expectation for myself as well as for my children, and lets face it, my husband too.

As I lay down each night I plan out in my mind what I will accomplish the next day. This normally includes some mixture of the following. Big things like home and sewing projects. Household things like sweeping the floors and cleaning the toilets. Errand things like the all detested grocery shopping. And finally kid things like teaching them, feeding them, playing with them, and loving them. So normally my day is a juggling act, Whose isn't?

It is probably a little crazy that I try to shove all of this into my life. I function best when I have a million things to do. I love being able to mentally check of completed things and it drives me a bit nuts when I don't finish what I had planned for the day. (Probably my touch of OCD coming out there.) I just love getting things done and love it even more if I happened to "go the extra mile"!! It gives me a great sense of accomplishment and makes me feel good about myself.

With that being said, I have been coming to the realization that often in my drive to finish things and not leave something half done, I tend to get lost in the completing and forget to enjoy the doing. I think this tends to apply to every facet of my life. Now I am not saying that I now detest the person that I am, but I am saying that I want to try to learn to get as much joy out of doing my daily tasks as I do completing them. I remember in Conference last year one of the apostles spoke on having Joy in the Journey. So that is my goal for this next month. To try to focus more on just Enjoying the Ride.

Just Run

There are a lot of things I like to do (you already know of some of the things I don't like to do). One of those things is running. I ran cross country and track in high school, though I didn't enjoy it too much then. I love it now.

As any of you who have read here know I struggle with depression and anxiety from time to time. Recently it had gotten pretty draining on me. For the past 5-6 months Melissa and I have been batting around the idea of getting on antidepressants. I've been on meds before and they work great, but I'm not too keen on the side-effects. I'm not talking about the side-effects that perk everyone's interest more the manner in which I lose some of my spontaneity especially with the kids. The withdrawal symptoms when I got off weren't too pleasant either.

About two months ago one of the Psychology PhD students in the ward gave a lesson on depression in our combined priesthood/RS meeting in church. Among other things he talked about a study that compared Exercise to SSRI's (a class of antidepressant drugs). The results of the study showed that those patients who exercised had better outcomes than the SSRI group or the group that was getting exercise and an SSRI. I don't know how valid this study was. I don't know if it's worth anything at all, but I figured I'd give it a shot. Melissa and I kind of decided that we would give the exercise thing a try and if that didn't work I'd still be able to start meds before the snow flies (winter is not a pleasant season for me).

I've been running pretty consistently for about a month and a half now and it is wonderful. I tend to run in the evenings so that I don't have to carry my pager with me. Any emergency that ocurs when I'm not on call can wait for 45 minutes. I have run with my pager a few times (during the lunch hour or after a short surgery day) and two of those times I have had to return home early to answer a page. Verizon doesn't make runner friendly phones anymore, they all have to have stupid keyboards on them making them huge (this is the fault of you texters out there, you know who you are).

Melissa has been great letting me go out for a run each evening when I get home. After which I am refreshed and happy and I figure 2 good hours with the kids each night is a lot better than 3 stressful hours.

Yesterday one of my friends from high school (actually one of the one's that's pretty high on that list I talked about the other day) sent me an email about a 50 mile relay in December. He does this from time to time with marathons and I always say no, but I thought about it and then I went out for a 6 mile run. It was a great run. I came back and said I'd do it.

In all my running back in high school I never understood the runner's high. I do now. When I'm out running everything in the world is right. My cares seem to fade away and I can think clearly. It doesn't hurt that Notre Dame is just 2 miles from my front door. There may not be a better place to run that ND campus.

I have some exercise aspirations that I want to achieve. I've always wanted to do a triathlon, but truth be told I could probably do that tomorrow (they have some pretty short one's these days). I've never wanted to run a marathon, in fact I have been vehemently against them in the past, but now I think I may want to do one, maybe in 7 years or however long it takes me to draw out in the St. George Marathon. After that maybe I'll be looking to do a half ironman or maybe even a full someday.

I'm looking forward to December 5th. Thanks for the opportunity J.

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'" - Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian and sub-2:12 marathoner

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going." - George S. Patton, U.S. Army General and 1912 Olympian

"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves...The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this, or jump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable." -Sir Roger Bannister, first runner to run a sub-4 minute mile

"Running long and hard is an ideal antidepressant, since it's hard to run and feel sorry for yourself at the same time. Also, there are those hours of clearheadedness that follow a long run." -Monte Davis

Etsy Shop's

My sister-in-law Charlotte and my good friend Larissa have both recently opened shops on Etsy. If you haven't heard of Etsy it is like Ebay but everything is Handmade. I am excited for both of them and have added a link to each of their shops on the blog. Just surf down the right past all of the blog links and you will find a button link for each of their shops. Check them out when you get a chance. I have seen both of their stuff and have to say, they both make some pretty amazing, adorable products!!

Saturdays in September

So we have had some rather busy weekends in September. We started out with the backyard camp out on Labor Day, but I won't elaborate on that as it has already been covered. Are you ready for what follows??

The next weekend was a celebration for the opening of the College Football season. We attended the Residency tailgate that Jeff and Larissa put on. We were so excited to get the kids all dressed up in their ND appeal. I realized that morning that Kami didn't have anything to wear so I whipped up a new onsie for her. I was pretty happy with how it turned out.

The tailgate was so much fun. Jacob had a great time chatting with colleagues and I was super happy to find that my new Twice Baked Potatoe recipe was an instant tailgate classic. On a side note - I realized recently that I really am my mother's daughter when it comes to food. I just can't seem to get enough of making food for get together. It really makes me happy when people enjoy the food I make. Okay back to the tailgate. It was a blast!! The kids (when they weren't being chased by bees) had such a great time and drank a lot of soda pop. Kami slept nearly the entire time and who can ask for more than that. After the tailgate we enjoyed the remainder of the day relaxing, as much as one can with 4 kids.

The next weekend Jacob and Clint went backpacking for 2 days. They had a great time, as you saw in the photos. But what was I doing during this backpacking trip? I was trying out my skills as an electrician. I can't say what a drastic change this was for me. We went from these retro, dirty, really outdated fixtures

To these very nice, very simple, very in style fixtures that carry the added benefit of having two light bulbs instead of one so they provide much more light.

Can I just say I love my new lights. Thanks to Adam and Mike who answered a few questions when things didn't quite look the way they had been described in the instructions. The other bonus of my little jaunt as an electrician is that it prompted Jacob to try his skills out the next week. He wired the bedrooms for light fixtures and I can not tell you how happy I am to get rid of the lamps that were in the bedrooms. Heaven!!!

The next weekend Jacob had Friday off so we headed to Chicago for a night in a hotel and a fun day to follow. The heading part was a little more traumatic than I on (Chicago traffic at 5:00 has made my husband promise he will never return to that city again), but once we arrived the good times started to roll. Sometimes I forget just how fun hotels are for kids. They loved it. We spent a pleasant evening playing in the pool and playing musical beds. Between the two double beds and the hide a bed there were a lot of choices. In the end, Jacob and I each got our own double bed and the three kids slept on the hide a bed. Sweet!!!

The next morning we geared up for what we hoped would be a fun filled family day. It turned out to be a day of mostly fun and some moments of frustration. We did our best with the frustrating parts and made the best of it. (at least we decided to make the best of it after realizing being frustrated with each other wasn't helping and there is nothing you can do about having to pay extra for full service gas or not being able to find a parking space anywhere in the entire city and ending up paying $20 for parking at what was supposed to be a free zoo, or having to return to that parked van two times because of potty accidents, or paying $20 to park at a tailgate.) Like I said, once we let all this good there was nothing but good times to be had.

We spent the afternoon at the zoo and the kids had a great time looking at the animals. I mean, what kid doesn't enjoy looking at animals? The kids favorite part of the zoo trip, however, had nothing to do with animals. It had to do with finding a giant human caterpillar trapeze zone. I lost track of how many times they plowed through this. And it was reconfirmed to us, once again, that Kristian is one strong kid. It didn't matter that he was to small to reach half of the platforms, he would just grab the wire next to it and pull himself up. It was hilarious.

After the zoo we headed to the White Sox stadium to attend the SUU Alumni Tailgate that was being held. My good friend from my college days, and the new SUU Alumni Director, Mindy Benson was in attendance. This was our main reason for the jaunt to the city and it was well worth it. It was so wonderful to get to catch up with her. You never realize how much you miss good friends until you get to catch up with them after a long time apart.

Kristian and Jessi struggled a bit at the tailgate because there was a live band near by and they didn't like how loud it was. Spencer on the other hand ran right over and became there number one fan. He danced to all of the songs and earned himself a turn on stage. That's right, the band asked him if he wanted to come up and shake the tambourine with them for a few songs. He was so excited, he went up and shook right with the beat. We think he got a little shy up there as he did not dance, but all in all he had a great time. When he was done his two songs the drummer gave him his drum stick and that made his entire week. He is taking it to show and tell tomorrow.

We were about ready to head back home (we weren't planning on staying for the game because it would be really late for the kids and the tickets were $30 and who pays $30 a kid when they don't even know what is going on) when we realized there was a rather large tailgate behind our vehicle and we wouldn't be going anywhere soon. It was then that the alumni head of Chicago realized they had some extra tickets and offered them to us. Jacob was in heaven. Suddenly all traffic concerns, getting up for church in the morning, and dealing with upset kids was forgotten. We stayed till the seventh inning stretch and were present for a grand slam. The kids did great and were happy to have so many new alumni friends willing to talk to them, play with them, and even take them out for an icee. Good times, thanks to all those that helped keep my kids happy which allowed us to be happy too!!!

The last weekend of September was spent in Ann Arbor at a Medical Conference. I was planning on doing something really fun with the kids while Jacob was in the conference but they deiced instead to spend an hour at the continental breakfast enjoying every breakfast food imaginable then two hours of cartoons spread out in the giant King Size Bed followed by lunch and then a four hour nap in the giant King Size Bed. I decided to take advantage of the quiet and read. Ah, you really cant ask for more in life. We got to enjoy some prime pool and hot tub time when daddy got back from the conference and all and all had a great weekend. And I decided that one day we will own a King Size Bed. Enough said.

So that is what we have been up too. Jacob is on Medicine this month so things should calm down a bit. We are getting very excited looking forward to a visit from Grandma and Grandpa Corry at the end of the month. The kids can't wait to show them their costumes.

So that is the update. Ever notice how all my posts are pretty much updates. Ya, that is because this is my journal. One day, I am going to be fun and off the wall like Jacob and post about something other than the going on of us. But not today.

A Sincere Quest for Approval

Sometimes I spend more time working on a title for my posts than I do actually writing (that may have already been very evident to any of you readers out there).

I've spent some time lately thinking about some of the things that motivate me and I've realized that while I think I do a lot of things for altruistic reasons I also enjoy the approval of others. I think to a certain point we all enjoy approval, at least from a select group of "important" people. Everybody likes receiving compliments. Nothing lights up Melissa like when I tell her how nice she looks (I'm unsure if her reaction would dim if I were to tell her that as often as I think it).

I've written (and talked to those who would listen) ad naseum about some of my difficulties with residency and one of those is the lack of external approval. There are no regularly scheduled tests that show me how well I'm doing. How healthy my patients are is an extremely poor way to measure my performance. I've learned a whole lot from all my mistakes over the past year and it seems that most of my feedback from attendings has come during those times, so rather than getting approval I get reproval. I'm not blaming anyone (except maybe myself for not complimenting others enough). It's just the nature of the beast. I think all jobs have a portion of this, though I can only relate to the hotel business and the pizza business. I think maybe this contributes to why I always wear a tie to my clinics and frequently wear a suit or sport coat. I'm pretty sure I'm better at being a doctor than I am at being a snappy dresser (What can I say? I am my father's son, sorry dad (Have you noticed how much I like parentheses?))))))), but I have gotten a lot more compliments on how I dress than I have on how I doctor.

The blogging world has shown me that I'm not alone in this quest for approval. Everybody likes getting comments. It means people are listening and by commenting the blogger feels validated, at least that's what I think.

I have an "important" person list of people whose approval I crave and as you know from previous posts Melissa and my parents are at the top of that list, but they are not alone. There are others, some who read this blog, some who don't and at least one who didn't but does now (he's pretty high on the list and has been for as long as I can remember).

There are probably a lot of people out there who are more self-assured than I, and there are probably a lot of folks who are less self-assured than I. Whichever of these two groups of people you fit into I want to express my appreciation for your time. I'm glad that you took the time to read this far. I'm grateful that you are a part of our lives. I'm grateful for those of you on the right who post from time to time and let us into your lives.

Without further ado here are some pictures from my recent backpacking trip in Michigan. How's that for a segway?

Best apple ever.

I look a lot worse for wear than Clint in this picture which wouldn't be too bad except for the fact that his pack was about 40 lbs heavier than mine.