I've spent some time lately thinking about some of the things that motivate me and I've realized that while I think I do a lot of things for altruistic reasons I also enjoy the approval of others. I think to a certain point we all enjoy approval, at least from a select group of "important" people. Everybody likes receiving compliments. Nothing lights up Melissa like when I tell her how nice she looks (I'm unsure if her reaction would dim if I were to tell her that as often as I think it).
I've written (and talked to those who would listen) ad naseum about some of my difficulties with residency and one of those is the lack of external approval. There are no regularly scheduled tests that show me how well I'm doing. How healthy my patients are is an extremely poor way to measure my performance. I've learned a whole lot from all my mistakes over the past year and it seems that most of my feedback from attendings has come during those times, so rather than getting approval I get reproval. I'm not blaming anyone (except maybe myself for not complimenting others enough). It's just the nature of the beast. I think all jobs have a portion of this, though I can only relate to the hotel business and the pizza business. I think maybe this contributes to why I always wear a tie to my clinics and frequently wear a suit or sport coat. I'm pretty sure I'm better at being a doctor than I am at being a snappy dresser (What can I say? I am my father's son, sorry dad (Have you noticed how much I like parentheses?))))))), but I have gotten a lot more compliments on how I dress than I have on how I doctor.
The blogging world has shown me that I'm not alone in this quest for approval. Everybody likes getting comments. It means people are listening and by commenting the blogger feels validated, at least that's what I think.
I have an "important" person list of people whose approval I crave and as you know from previous posts Melissa and my parents are at the top of that list, but they are not alone. There are others, some who read this blog, some who don't and at least one who didn't but does now (he's pretty high on the list and has been for as long as I can remember).
There are probably a lot of people out there who are more self-assured than I, and there are probably a lot of folks who are less self-assured than I. Whichever of these two groups of people you fit into I want to express my appreciation for your time. I'm glad that you took the time to read this far. I'm grateful that you are a part of our lives. I'm grateful for those of you on the right who post from time to time and let us into your lives.
Without further ado here are some pictures from my recent backpacking trip in Michigan. How's that for a segway?
Best apple ever.
.jpg)
I look a lot worse for wear than Clint in this picture which wouldn't be too bad except for the fact that his pack was about 40 lbs heavier than mine.
5 comments:
I think I know who that one person who didn't read but now does.
(Of course, it goes without saying that your older sister is pretty near the top of that list.)(That's why you didn't bother saying it, isn't it?)
(I like parenthesis too.)
(But I've never taken the time to learn the punctuation rules that govern them.)
Jacob, I really enjoy your blog. I think your posts are hilarious (I was just telling your mom this the other day at a cross country meet). And I love seeing what Melissa does to decorate your house. Not that you need my approval, but I thoroughly approve of your blog. ;)
I feel like writing is a little like your job in that way. People don't often tell you if they like something. So maybe the absence of feedback should be construed as compliments for all careers!
I feel this way all the time as a teacher and mom. I was just having a conversation with a overly needy teacher I work with who was complaining that the TEENAGERS we work with never thank her - I told her if she got in the job for gratitude, this was the wrong job.
I think that your job has a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel though. This isn't your forever job. You will eventually become the new Dr. Corry programed into my cell phone, get to see kids grow, help the elderly keep on living as they have always done and I suspect you will find a great deal of gratitude there.
Until then, just keep letting the voices in your head congratulate you the way the ones in my head do for me :)
oh right, you saved 40 lbs in your pack by not bringing the dried fruit right? :)
I can relate to the need to be validated and approved of. I like going back to school because I get grades. I don't get graded at home, not that I would get anything but an A, seriously.
Here are my observations, you work very hard for your family! At home and at work. You do a great job with all the home repairs and such. As far as doctoring, the only thing I can say is if you run over to look at a mild case of hives for no pay, I give you the thumbs up!
Jacup, we tried to give you the self validation and confidence you needed throughout high school. You just didn't seem to want it.
Post a Comment